confessional wednesday 3
2004-05-05 - 11:27 p.m.
Okay here are my confessions for the week:
Ok this confession was actually a dare. Lumanatic (I call him Luma) dared me to tell everyone that I and he are an internet couple, LOL. I don't even think he knows that I'm at this site ever since I left the other one but I'm gonna tell him that I went through with the dare, LOL. All we do are say sweet things to each other. Hopefully when he comes back to VA he visits me since he technically lives 20 minutes away from me.
I confess that my obsession with pink has gone very crazy. I even made my start menu on the computer pink as well as my windows and when I highlight words on a web page they are pink. I don't know what caused me to like pink in the first place (especially when I grew up playing with MicroMachines (remember those) and Tonka trucks) but I think that I trace it back to studying with Phi Mu's (their colors are pink and white & about half of them are political science majors) and they had some of the things they I like in pink. I started off buying pink stationery but the pink bug grew to a point where my silverware became pink, my sneakers became pink, my book bag became pink, my gym outfit became pink. Let's pray that it doesn't become any worse.
I confess that I've been one lazy bum. I've been going to bed around four in the morning talking on AIM with my friends and listening to music all night. I technically get up around noon but I stay in bed until around five. I'm enjoying my week of laziness b/c I'll be getting up every morning at seven next week until July 1st to take my mom to work and then going to work myself. My mom hates the fact that I'm a night owl. She chewed me out for being too lazy and she also yelled at me saying "Go to sleep at a decent hour.� So yeah that was my wake up call to get my lazy @$$ outta bed and do something productive.
I confess that I haven't talked to my family back in Queens since April. I have nothing to talk about to them and they never call me either. I'm also afraid to call them because they criticize me about every little thing that I do and I'm still recovering from the verbal abuse they gave me since I was little. I'm twenty years old and I still have a lot of insecurities in me, especially with my skin tone. They would say things like Renee you need to marry a dark-skinned guy so the blackness won't run out of our family or Renee, you need to lose weight and stop eating out so much. You need to be lean and petite; that's how I like my only granddaughter. It took me a couple of months in college until my weight to at least 100 lbs. In 12th grade I was around 90 lbs. and probably a size four. I would never want to eat and I would starve myself. In college I ate a lot and by my sophomore year I reached the normal weight of a 18-year-old so I'm proud of myself and my figure. The harsh criticism that my family gave me hurts and now I'm learning to "get that dirt off my shoulder.�
I confess that I dwell on the past too much. I watch more reruns than normal shows (i.e., I would rather watch an episode of the Fresh Prince rather than a new episode of One on One) and listen to more music from the 90s than today. I really need to get over this nostalgia thing. It's sickening.