layout change, the virginity issue, being real with myself
2004-04-05 - 1:03 a.m.
Yes, Renee has a new layout again. See what had happened was the site that I got the design lost all of their images. & I can't be having any tacky-looking layout. I thought that were a new layout and I actually planned to keep it on here. Heck the whole design site looks jacked up, haha. Heck I changed my guest book layout to a brown one. It has Beyonce's Child on it & the theme was from the song "Survivor.� I swear every lyte girl with long hair swore they were Beyonce & they had a chocolate-skinned friend who was their version of Kelly back in my high school, LOL.
EDIT: READ THIS ENTRY BEFORE U MOVE ON PLEASE! Anyhow, I have to go back to the virginity issue, twice. Last Sunday was youth Sunday where u go to church dressed in a Christian t-shirt and jeans and they have just about all the programs designed for the youth. Well there was a skit called "Second Chance" where this girl is deciding whether or not she should have sex with this guy she has a crush on. He keeps pressuring her over and over and eventually she gave in. Then her mom notices that when she comes home from school that something is troubling her but she doesn't tell her mom that. She then goes back to her room & calls her friend on the phone & calls up her best friend. She tells her friend to tell her that she has morning sickness, she's starting to feel fat & she's always nauseous. Her & her friend goes to the doctor and the doctor gave her a pregnancy test & she finds out that she's pregnant and that she has AIDS. The girl goes home crying and her best friend tells her that she's gonna be by her side no matter what. In another scene, the guy is using the same tired lines on another girl to try to get her in bed with him. She knew that he had a girl and resisted. The girl's mom calls her to come downstairs to wake up to do something downstairs & she said for some odd reason that she didn't mean to skip school (I believe she skipped school to have sex with the guy). Her mom yells from downstairs that it's a Sunday. Then she realized that she wasn't pregnant and that it was all a dream. She rejoices and praises God. She sees that guy at school the next day (for real) & he pressures her to go to have sex with him and she says "no.� That skit turned me inside out. If that didn't speak to me, then yesterday's sermon sure did.
Yesterday at church, the pastor sensed that someone in the audience was thinking about giving up their virginity. He said that the person wasn't worth giving it up to that they should save themselves for marriage like they have been & that the marriage bed should be holy and pure. He also said that sex outside of marriage is "selfish" and it only seeks to please your own needs, while in marriage it's unselfish because you're giving yourself to your husband or wife & you made a covenant and vow with them. That made me think a third time & I know he was speaking to me and it put the fear of God in me. I went to the bathroom & quickly repented and made a pledge to keep myself pure. Boy did I feel better after that. God loves me sooo much that he would get off the subject that the pastor was preaching and have him warn me of the biggest mistake that I could've made in my life.
He also warned me that I should wait for the right guy to come along and not settle for less. I confess that I didn't do that. I've been waiting for someone like AZ to come into my life, but I've been so impatient with waiting for the "right guy" to come along that I ended up being with "the boy" when I know he isn't the one for me. I'm starting to see "the boy"'s true colors come out and they're not pretty. He's starting to drink, he smokes that lalala, he cusses a lot around me, he stands me up, he makes empty promises, he gets in trouble with the law @ times and basically he's not the same person that I first met two years ago. On the other hand, AZ keeps a 4.0 (in college), he works for the city, he's the president of the honor society, he receives a lot of praise from the professors here, he's a true gentleman, he loves Christ, I and he have the same goals for our future & he stays out of trouble. I think I'm going to break it off with "the boy" and wait until AZ is ready to start a relationship with me. Patience is definitely a virtue here.
Okay, let me get ready for bed. Have a great week everyone! :)